Of all the ways to pick your March Madness brackets, the best way to win is to do some research, make some educated guesses, and even get a lucky gut-call once in a while.
Unfortunately, it’s also the most boring and fun-sucking way to do it.
Is there anything more enjoyable than talking trash to the self-proclaimed bracketologist when your picks pull ahead because you thought their mascots were cooler?
Besides, if you actually try to pick well and you fail miserably, it looks kinda bad. But, if everyone knows you’re blatantly making a mockery of the system, then no one expects your bracket to do well!
If you’ve been suckered into an office pool and have no pride left, then why not have a little fun? Besides, there isn’t a better way to infuriate all the people who take March Madness brackets too seriously than beating them with a nonsensical picking system.
Enjoy these 11 anger-inducing ways to pick your bracket!
1. Alphabetical Order
Whoever’s lower in the alphabet gets the win!
2. Farther East or West
Whichever way your bias runs determines which one you favor.
3. Pick the Coolest Names
I would totally pick Stephen F. Austin over Kansas! Good thing Gonzaga’s cool sounding – you might have a chance of picking the overall winner.
4. Go Chalk
In other words, don’t pick any underdogs, ever.
It’s also a more subtle way to mock the system. Everyone already knows the tournament’s unpredictable, so people who want to win try to pick several upsets. By picking the higher seeds every time, you can make fun of the tournament, while being lazy at the same time! Win-win!
For bonus points, pretend to labor over each pick, making long, drawn-out sighs like you’re really struggling – then just pick the higher seed anyway.
5. Mascot Death Match!
This can lead to some interesting matchups – who wins: a Louisville Cardinal or a Creighton Bluejay? Now that’s a battle!
6. Flip a Coin
The ultimate way to show your disinterest and contempt for the entire system! Using this method, you have a 1 in 18 quintillion chance of filling out a perfect bracket. So you’re telling me there’s a chance!
7. Dog Treats
Get two different bowls, and for each matchup have each bowl represent a different team. Whichever one your pooch eats out of first gets the nod. This could be especially hilarious watching your 4 pound Chihuahua eat his way through all 65 picks and then keel over.
8. Coolness of Jerseys
Or, for girls, choose by how pretty the uniforms are. Is there a better way to upset the guys in the tourney when you crush them?
9. Famous Alumni
The cool part about this one is that the possibilities are endless. Do you choose who has the most famous graduate? Or by the more famous collective alumni? Or do you side with who would win in a giant street fight Anchorman-style? Where did you get a hand grenade??
Just straight up fun. Put in the two teams and watch stick figures battle!
11. Roll Dice
A slightly more scientific variation of the coin flipping. You can assign more numbers on the dice to the team with a better chance of winning, therefore giving more weight to higher seeds.
Let’s say an 11 seed is playing a 6 seed. Assign the 6 seed numbers 1-4 on the dice, and the 11 seed numbers 5 and 6 and roll away!
Yeah, you’re right. Too scientific. You can’t appear to use any statistical knowledge if you’re to cause an office riot when you win.
Here at NetHosting, we’re actually having our own March Madness contest open to the public! It’s free to enter, and you can win a $50 gift card to Dick’s Sporting Goods.